so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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