"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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