Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
