You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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