Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
