Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
