I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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