Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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