So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
