The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
