so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
