so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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