So drunk its hurt
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
