I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
