I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
