Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
