What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I could fuck to npr.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
