I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
