Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
