I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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