wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
