Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
