i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
