Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
