Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm too high and old for this...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
