we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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