Umm I'm too high to move.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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