Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
