barbara walters just said penis...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
