2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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