wanna go halves on a baby?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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