you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
