I think I won the penis lottery.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
