What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
