last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
