All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
