OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
