Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
