grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
