She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
