dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
