It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
