wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
