please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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