plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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