Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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