i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
