I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
