You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
