He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
