Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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